Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
