She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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