u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
