I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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