Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
