apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
