I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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