yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
