nut hugger
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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