Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
