weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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