im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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