he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
