Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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