i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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