Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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