we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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