You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
