I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
