Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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