This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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