You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
