Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
