There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
