omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
