I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
