Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
