Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
