well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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