I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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