I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
