i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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