where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
