Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
