Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
