Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
