an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
