i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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