Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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