Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
