I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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