Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
