I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
