brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
