I think I died a long time ago.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
