Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
