Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
