it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I did not marry a roomba.
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