if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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