It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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