either way he was missing a nipple.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
