They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
