The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Randomize
