just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
