he wants to bone in the snuggie
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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