i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
