My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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