How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
