i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
