the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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