if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
