Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
