I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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