she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
