I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
