I just made out with a guy for $7.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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