i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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