Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
