you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am available for nakedness
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
