my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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