i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
