yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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