...so i touched it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
