I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
