So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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