I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
