you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
