He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
