from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
