I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
