so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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