She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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