The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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