she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
