I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
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