i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
