Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
