Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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