You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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