ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
