Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
