Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
