Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
