I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
