U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
