dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
