Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
