My friends, they love my intelligence
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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