pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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