why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
