the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
