We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
