I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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