it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
